Overheard on the N

I've always thought of the N as something of a red-headed stepchild.  I boarded the train in question at 57th and 7th and discovered a veritable orchestra of delight, by which I mean an incredible stench of urine and decay coated a conspicuously empty car. In haste I jogged to the next car, which on first glance seemed clean and quiet. This would, of course, not last for very long.

The N reaches one arm into Astoria, and with other makes a periphrastic pilgrimage to Coney Island via Bay Ridge whilst straddling Manhattan, like the final moments in a game of twister before tangles of limbs tumble to the ground.

It was late at night when I found the N, or the N found me--whichever you prefer--on the unendurable Saturday last, the day that begun with snow and ended with rain and ice. I had had a long night out in Midtown, which was odd, and didn't have luck with a cab, so I decided to try my luck with the train.

The N is not one of the trains that will at times fill with the beautiful and the damned, as is notable with the F, which funnels these, the careless, and the pretty between Chelsea and the New Lower East Side.

On this occasion, on the other end of the car sat a shabby fat man in a half-doze stupor, his face obscured in the chic naivete of his garments. Soon would appear a female companion, draped in the eternal blue of the Indianapolis Colts. The two had a dispute, and he began to tell her in no uncertain terms that when he finds himself on the train, she needs to take care also to board the train, and that she really must be sure she is on the train sitting by his side. He repeated this over and over again, and it became clear he did not believe she was on the train, sitting by his side--in fact, he believed she was elsewhere, and up to no good. This continued for some time.

In a moment, the tone transformed from conciliatory to hostile. "You fat fuck," she said. "Yeah, fat fuck...big fuckin' moo moo. You're as big as the twin towers, fat fuck." A swarthy latin boarded the train and engaged the seat across the train from this couple.

"You're as big as the twin towers, you big fuckin' moo moo."